I'm one of those people that cry at weddings.

My cousin got married this past weekend, it was a really sweet occasion. The open bar at the reception made it a lot easier to deal with-- watching someone marry the love of their life is kind of a hard concept to grasp for someone who is extremely romantically frustrated.

For once my own selfish hatred of life didn't impede on enjoying the wedding. She is the oldest of 'the cousins' on my mom's side, next is me. I had never seen her with a boyfriend until this guy came along. I wonder if he is her first, its possible. When I was a kid I always wondered when she would bring a guy to family events and it never happened. Finally, she's found someone worthy not only of showing off to the family but to spend the rest of her with. Thats where I get all choked up.

It does make me think a lot about my own love life, or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it. For a long time I thought that theres a possibility A Certain Person might be the right guy. Hasn't happened yet, don't think it ever will, but if somehow things work out and it does I won't be surprised and I can say I knew it at the very beginning.

But if he isn't.. damn it I'm twenty years old and already getting tired of the same old bullshit that comes along with the search for "the one". How many good guys am I going to have to let go of because I know they aren't it and how many guys are going to leave me because they know I'm not it either? There is a long road of disappointment that I have to trek down before I can ever call myself truly happy.