My Best Friend
Friday, Jun. 06, 2008 - 1:28 AM

Last night my cat tried to talk like I human. I swear to you he said "hello" not just once but several times as I was lying in bed around midnight trying to sleep. His "tone of voice" was so close to human-like that it seemed almost alien, coming from that little furry creature. I wonder if he truly was trying to mimic the language he hears often, or if that is rare cat-speak for something else.

When I turn 21 this fall, he will have been with me for 12 years. We've been basically attached at the hip since I was 9 years old, more so in the past few years. I can't sleep without knowing he's curled up next to me.

I can honestly say that cat is my best friend. He is closer to me than any of my human friends-- hell, he's been around longer-- or even my family. It is good to have him around. When I am upset, he knows. He lies patiently with me and licks my tears. When I talk to him, I like to think he's listening, or at least pretending to just so I can feel good about it. He is never judgemental, never tells me things I don't want to hear, and he doesn't ask for much in return for his friendship. That cat is the most precious thing in my life right now.

Is it a bad thing? I have always distanced myself from the [human] social sphere. I feel that I am more comfortable with animals, I identify with them more, and I just plain like being with them more than people. It is hard to tell what is stronger: my love for animals or my hatred for human beings.

I have always had a hard time finding people I could really trust with a part of my true self, the key to lasting friendship. I have acquaintances, I have friends, but I don't have that one person that I can never get tired of being around, who I can share my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings with. I have a hard time connecting with people. I am far too solitary.

It leads to loneliness. I choose to spend a lot of time by myself, yet I am craving companionship. I would just like to have someone to share life with, but no one ever sticks around too long. I have trouble letting people in, and no one's going to try to force their way in either. I am too critical of people around me, and for that reason I don't get very close with anyone.

This is nothing new, it has been this way since I was a child. I have always tried unsuccessfully to break out of my bubble.. but maybe I just haven't come across anyone worth breaking out of it for. Until then, I'll continue to share my secrets with an old fart of a cat, who I love more than anyone in this world.

yesterday - tomorrow

It might make you feel better
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