My mental energy is at an all time low.

I can only handle socialization in small doses. And even then, for some reason my anxiety is higher than normal when I'm in a social setting. I have never been so socially awkward.

I don't know how to act.
I only talk to one or two people that I am comfortable with.
I don't feel the need to meet new people.
I am no longer willing to put myself out there any more.
I find it harder and harder every day to plaster a smile on my face.

I don't know what happened to cause this change. I used to be, and I think I still could be, a social butterfly. I enjoyed going out and I loved the attention I got from people. Now I want nothing to do with it. I need to be drunk to have a good time in that world, and I don't enjoy the effects of alcohol as much as I used to.

At the end of the day I am relieved to be able to lock myself in my dungeon (I live in a basement) and shut out the world. I am on my own agenda, I don't have to please anyone but myself... and my cats, they get all the love and attention they want. When I am alone I am at peace.

But I'm also incredibly lonely.