Last night after I updated I went back and read every entry from the beginning of this diary to the end. I read my words with a heavy heart. I began this diary as part of a healing process, to get over the many scars inflicted on my soul over the past few years. It pained me to see that at one point I felt rejuvinated and happy, only to have regressed into the state I am now.

My old wounds sometimes resurface, and some haven't had the chance to completely heal before being broken open time and time again.

I'm not really sure what to do anymore. Very rarely do I find myself in a happy state. I don't know what makes me happy.. chocolate doesn't even seem to do the trick any more. And when I am unhappy I tend to think about some of the things that make me that way. I think about how life should be, I think about what I ache for most, and I think about Him. Then I just get discouraged because the things I think about are becoming ever-more distant and unreachable.

For the time being.. I hope.