Sunday was a difficult day. I don't know if it was a full moon or something, but it just so happened that the two most influential lovers from my past contacted me on the same day.

I received a text message. "I really miss you. Can we please still talk? I know I screwed up back then and I know there is almost no chance of a relationship but can we at least be friends?"

It has been over three years that we've been broken up. I only made contact him again less than a year ago, hoping to clear the debris of bridges burned.. if anything, to take it off my own conscience. Since then I have hardly spoken to him, and he came up to Quebec this fall supposedly to take some time off from home. I made it perfectly clear that he shouldn't expect to spend time with me while he was here, since I had other plans, but offered him a place to stay. I never had the intention to be "good friends" with him, and ignored most of his calls. I told him I couldn't deal with 'talking to people from my past' as I've had it rough the past few months, it was the last thing I needed. He fucked off for a while, and then I got this message. And ignored it.

But to add further insult to injury, I checked my deviantart account later that night to find a message from Prince Charming (haven't used that nickname in years!).

"My house burned down in December a few weeks before Christmas. My family was home including me and we all got out fine without any major injuries and so did Ice. Unfortunately even though my brother and I tried to find the cats we couldnt coax them out before the smoke got really bad. Our three cats including Angel, died from smoke inhalation. I thought you would want to know. Im sorry if you didn't but considering how much I miss her it didnt feel right to not tell you. Wish she was still here she must have been the smartest sweetest cat I ever knew and even though she was getting a little fat she still loved to sit on my shoulders when I moved about the house. You should have seen her when I played with Ice, she once thought he was trying to hurt me and chased him out of my room and down the stairs. And Ice has to be 10 times larger. Anyways sorry to give you such bad news, I debated whether or not I should contact you but I know you loved her as much as I did so I did. I wish you well"

I had already heard the news, so it didn't bother me as much as the initial shock. What did bother me was that I didn't need him to tell me that he missed her terribly. That cat was all he had left of me, and thats the way I meant it when I wanted him to have the her. He was so against the idea when I mentioned that my sister's cat had kittens. But he finally brought it up, I think he realized how lonely he would be after I had moved, and liked the idea of always being connected through her to me. That cat was an outlet for his love and affection when I wasn't around anymore, and even more so after we had broken up. That is why I am upset, because he doesn't have that anymore.

We haven't talked in over a year.. It was a sad depressing breakup for both of us, and we tried to just get along the best we knew how, by erasing the other from our minds and lives. I don't really know what to do about this message.

After receiving these two messages in the same day, I thought a lot about A Certain Person and our relationship-or-lack-thereof. It may have finally dawned on me that I don't feel the same way about him anymore, and that the most of the moments I've spent with him in the past year have done more harm than good. The relationships I've had before then were painfully drawn-out until the last thread was severed. Nothing good came as a result of the aftermath except for the oppurtunity to grow personally and eventually meet someone else. I think I need to look at the past and think about those experiences and not make the same mistakes again.