This day was doomed from the start, when I went to bed at 4:14am tired and discouraged. The morning consisted of a struggle with my circadian rhythm, and my annoying cat, in an attempt to sleep in as long as possible. I awoke shortly after noon and decided it was time to live life. Thinking "I'm not hungover, I'm just dehydrated," I didn't bother to put on clothes and trudged to the fridge and poured myself a glass of water, and then another. An inner sigh.

I was in slightly rough shape, a combination of physical and mental. Enough to collapse on the couch without bothering to make coffee, thus skipping an essential part of my morning ritual. I called my best friend and we traded stories from last night. Both retelling stories of happy times yet sad thoughts. We blamed PMS for our emotional downs on this day.

I watched the second half of Eat, Pray, Love on Netflix. Great flick, surprisingly. I loved it, enough to make me want to watch it again tonight. I was interrupted by thoughts of redecorating my apartment. I feel the need to make this space truly my own, to invest the time, effort, and money in making it somewhere I want to be.

After the movie I was determined to go for a run. The guilt of the bacon cheeseburger I inhaled at 3am last night was weighing heavy in the pit of my stomach. And I was beginning to become consumed by the cloud hanging above my head. Contrarily, it was sunny and beautiful outside. I wished it were raining. So after I was sure my breakfast was digested, I embarked on my journey.

That run saved my soul today. It was about 5 degrees Celsius, and windy. Normally I wouldn't have bothered to run outside on a day like that, but I knew I needed to. For the first time, I ran along the bike path that followed the river and stopped in a park. I perched on a picnic table by the water; it was breathtakingly beautiful. The fucked up "spring" weather of Montreal left the world golden, not quite turning green yet. The sky and the water were smoky blue, seen between a narrow shield of leafless trees.

Everything slipped away. My exhaustion, my pain, my worries. Everything slipped away and was replaced by calm and serenity. In that moment nothing mattered. Nothing weighed heavy on me. I was filled with light.

I didn't stay long. It was cold, and I didn't want my body warm from the run to cool down. So I turned around and went back the way I came. The way back seemed shorter, and before I knew it I was at the spot where the paved path crossed with the dirt path, so I veered right and went along the familiar secluded dirt path toward "my place," a concrete block on the bank of the river. I sat cross-legged and took out my earphones. I stared across the water and immersed myself in the sounds of the wind, birds, people talking in the distance. I did a quick meditation through the chakras as the cold began to bite away at me. I knew it was time to leave, and ran the final leg home.

I ran and walked a total of 6km, according to MapMyRun which malfunctioned (or rather, it was me who malfunctioned, accidentally exiting out without saving the first half of my run). That isn't too bad, considering the circumstances and my very green status as a runner.. but what I take away from that run the most was the emotional freedom from myself, and the release and serenity that I experienced on that journey. It kept with me and lifted me up throughout the rest of the day. Although the darkness is still clouding in around the edges, I turned it around and I feel.. ok. Neutral.