The insomnia has improved slightly. I caught myself awake all last night but I'll attribute that to the coffee I had at 4pm before I worked the evening shift. God I hate the evening shift.

Yesterday morning I awoke after an almost decent sleep. And go figure, when the alarm went off at its customary time of 6:30am I was wide awake, I could have gotten up and gotten ready to work no problem, without even considering hitting snooze. But I could snooze so I did, until around 8:30-9. My body and mind were all fucked up. My routine would have me at work by then, doing work stuff. The fact that I was sitting at home doing nothing was making me crazy. I did a little graphic design on a poster for the gym, but as I was doing it my mind was swimming. By the time I had finished I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I remember being in the bathroom and my leg was shaking uncontrollably. My brain was wtf'ing and realized this was ridiculous, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't just sit at home and wait until it was time to go to work.

So I went to the gym.. and when I arrived I was like what the hell am I doing here. Why did I decide to go to work 4 hours early? I wasn't there for work, I was there to do the jiu jitsu class, and by the time I had finished (or rather, given up) warming up on the treadmill, I had shifted my focus toward learning some cool new moves and I was ok. It helped that what we did in class was something I had learned last week, so it boosted my confidence when I was able to execute it fairly well, and helped the two other girls new to the class-- one of the girls was the girl I hired, and have been training this week. Finished the class rolling with the other girl who from the UK and was visiting the gym on her travels. She was about level in experience with me, and it was probably my best roll to date. I was able to connect moves I knew and transition into them somewhat. I even went for a few submissions. Much better compared to the purely defensive measures I've been doing since I started. After that, I was good, I was healed.

Last night I went to bed around 1am after Skyping with my friend from back home. The night is hazy, I don't remember if I had trouble falling asleep, or how much time I spent awake tossing and turning. I just remember catching myself going "Fuck, I'm doing it again." Not allowed to think about work at home, and especially not in bed, and there I was awake tossing and turning thinking about work. It was an improvement from stressing about work, but still..

I am also thinking that my cat is definitely attributing to the insomnia. He's so fucking annoying in my face all the time, crawling on top of me. But he is old, he's 17, and he is slowly slipping away.. So I can't just shove him away or kick him out of my room. I let him do what he wants for the most part and try to ignore it. I'd rather he was in my face preventing me from sleeping than not there at all.

Today I am coping with the routine change a bit better. I still feel like I wasted the better part of the day. Its almost 2pm and I am still in pj's, I haven't even brushed my teeth. I did read a few chapters of "The Hobbit," watched the latest "Grey's Anatomy," cleaned the litterbox and the kitty-printed bathroom floor and washed dishes. That's good enough for me. Now its time to prep my meals for work and off to the gym to do my first boxing lesson with one of the coaches there. I'm not really in the mood for him to work me to the bone. I am tired, congested, probably on the verge of getting sick but I'll have to suck it up. And with that said, I'm out.