Almost 8 weeks ago I decided I needed to go on a 'cleanse' to clear my mind and purify my soul. A sexual cleanse, to be exact. I just needed to say fuck it for a little while, after going through a strange period of time in which I was actually overwhelmed by the strange situations I had encountered from September to November, men just everywhere, dominating my mind, it was making me crazy.

Setting out for my night on November 17th I knew it was going to be the last time for a while. I don't want to get into the specifics of the events that led up to this date, but it was all quite significant. So that was it, that was my last lay for a while.

I decided to take all of the effort I put into my relations with men and put that toward other more important things. Work, art, personal growth. I had an intense period of ups and downs this fall, and I needed to see myself through it with no outside influences hindering my progress or giving me a false sense of progress.

Bramacharya. One of the elements of yoga, the way of celibacy by choice.

So, 8 weeks. By that time you reach a point where you care and you don't care. I am a very physical person, I am a sexual being, I don't apologize for it, it's in my nature. Yes I would love to bang the shit out of a hot sexy man right now, but I won't.

I have since learned not to be dependent on sex to heal the wounds from a bad day. I have found other outlets, like killing myself at the gym more intently than usual. All of my frustration, stress, and worry comes out when I'm at the gym. I used to depend on sex for that, to really rely on sex to blow off steam and "make me feel better." To go without it made me an angry volatile person. Made me feel like an angry bear. I still have those angry bear days, but not for the same reasons.

What matters is that this week, I feel good. I feel like I radiate positive energy, despite the shortcomings of my last few days that normally would have made me crazy. Many things have changed. My way of thinking has changed. And I am going on 8 weeks of this bramacharya business, which serves to give me a better perspective, and helps me to think with a clear mind.

Now if only I could start sleeping through the night.