I'm going to try not to make this a New Years resolutions entry. I don't adhere to the idea of once a year resolving to do something to make me a better person. I am always on the mission of personal growth, I am always looking to better myself, always making resolutions. But there is something about having two weeks of complete break from life that helps to hit the reset button. And at the end of those two weeks I feel the need to check in with myself in order to realign with "normal life."

Best example, the holidays as an excuse to completely let go of my diet and exercise habits. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks, owch. I wanted to go, but seemed to never have the time. I eagerly await my gym sesh this afternoon-- just waiting to digest my breakfast before I get ready to go. The gym thing leads me to confront the reality that since I have started my new job, I haven't been as disciplined with training. Granted, I was very sick for a long time and it took me a while to get back to 100% but I think that now I am back at that level, so I can't make any excuses.

I was training 6 days a week with a perfect combination of conditioning, jiu jitsu, and running in some form or another almost every day. I couldn't live without training. I was addicted. Since coming back from illness, I have merely been going through the motions. I realized I wasn't training hard enough, I wasn't putting 100%, so I decided to push myself farther and do the same circuits I was doing before I was sick, putting more weight on my bars, doing more sprints and running longer than the required. I regularly attended my jiu jitsu classes. I hope that I can jump back on that vibe, starting today.

Definitely helps that over the holidays I spent about $100 on new gym gear and sneakers. That's motivation enough!

I am appalled by how much and what I have been eating for the last two weeks. I don't know how I'm going to bounce back from that one... :S I allowed myself anything and everything. I adopted the mentality of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and decided it would be funny to see exactly how much weight I could gain in two weeks of holiday eating. Haven't jumped on the scale yet but I'll make a point to do so before I leave today. I must have gained 5lbs, maybe more. That doesn't sound like a lot, until you factor that my regular weight hovers around 90-95lbs so that would be more than 5% of my body weight. Its a visible difference.

So my approaches to this problem: go on a three day cleanse diet, starting either tomorrow or Monday morning, depending on when I can go grocery shopping. Drink more tea. My Secret Santa bought me four delightful varieties of tea for Christmas, and one of my best friends bought me a David's Tea Bodum thermos. I used to have to be very disciplined just to remember to drink my green tea every day, its hard with the new job, not very doable. And what about the sweets that I am craving intensely? I want sugar at every turn. I have to get back into that mentality, starting at the grocery store, to just not buy the stuff, to not keep it in my house. I know that after a week or two of regular routine I was stop craving junk food.. its just the first few days that are the hardest.

Then I think about being social. I have been back in the city for about two days now and I have yet to see one of my friends. Granted I have been busy "getting my life back into order" i.e. cleaning my apartment, unpacking, getting settled, etc. Necessary things for me. But I know that now it is time to at least make an attempt at being social. Tonight is Saturday. I am not planning on "going out" but should at least make an effort to spend some time with someone.

I think about my art. What HAPPENED there? My artistic flow has been stagnant. I created a drawing for my sister for Christmas, a charcoal of her baby when he was a newborn. She loved it. But I did that more out of necessity and obligation. I did enjoy it though, I really did, but the energy to start something new or get back to painting just isn't there. I have the idea to spend all day tomorrow making art but I doubt it will happen. I know I should at least try. Maybe by publishing the image of the drawing I will be more motivated.

This year is less about "me" as far as internal changes, and more about my priorities: taking care of myself, doing the things I love, get back to being the person I used to be before I was sick. A lot of that is physical and external, and its important to me. Note there is nothing about emotions and boys. Yes. I have grown.