Sitting in my motel room procrastinating getting ready for work. I don't feel well this week. I don't know if its because of the PMS, if I'm starting to get sick, or if I'm just a bit burned out from the last few weeks of always being on the go and traveling for work. Maybe a combination of everything.

It sucks because I am back in my university town. Yay! But I don't have the energy to do anything. I still kept up with all of my plans but they were all pretty laid back (supper, shopping, ice cream night in the motel room with a good friend). Tonight we're going out for wings, a Wednesday staple in this town. I would have liked to train or at least find a yoga class to join but my body just isn't having any of it. Its frustrating to finally be in my hood but feel the need to go to bed at 6-7pm every night.

I am having flashbacks from my memory lately. I just caught myself thinking of being in primary school, having ownership of a box of crayons that were shaped in a demi-circle, completely flat on one side so they don't roll off your desk. Those people thought of everything. I am also thinking of Christmas, that feeling you get as a child. I hope I can do everything I can so that my nephew has those same feelings too. He is one year old this year on Christmas, so maybe he may not remember this year, but I would still like to live vicariously through him.

I keep catching myself in various stages of thought that prove I am "growing up" something I hoped wouldn't happen yet. The way I think, the way I react, the way I talk about reacting in certain situations. Wonder if I want to go into teaching after this year. Maybe substituting, after all. Moving to Ottawa? Why not. Come back home to the Eastern Townships of Quebec? Maybe. I'm not sure yet, but maybe I'll figure it out by spring. Hopefully, since I won't really have much of a choice come June when I'll be finished with my contract.

Have been reading my journals from high school. I am currently on 2002 when I was in my sophomore year. I realized that my nature has not changed, even the things I thought I had been "working on" are still problematic. Its a bit discouraging reading about all the mistakes that I am still making, ten years later. But like I said.. maybe that is just my true nature, a thing that cannot be changed. Its what makes me who I am. At least I am conscious of these things now.

Wish I could find some way to log back in to my diaryland account from back then. It is essential! If I want to compile my entries into a published work.. I am missing half of the content because it is online. Will have to see if I can get it recovered.