I find myself digressing. Today was kind of a hard day. Didn't want to do anything. Had someone over to photograph my paintings in exchange for some storyboards I did for him, and as much as I was grateful for the company and a change from the normal routine, I kind of couldn't wait for him to leave.. so I could be alone.

When he left I settled down to re-watch Season 8 of Grey's Anatomy (the finale was so intense I wanted to watch it all over again) but after technical difficulties half way through I was like screw this. I wanted to go back to bed, or pop in another season, or something antisocial, but instead I forced myself to get my bathing suit on and go to the park to soak up the beautiful sunshine (30 degrees and sunny in Montreal today!!). I stayed there reading, drawing, talking on the phone, and napping until I felt myself getting a sunburn and dragged myself back home. Throughout the few hours I was there I experienced waves of, well, whatever this is... emo-ness.

And I've been mean to people, oh so mean. OK so in my world, being mean is being less than nice. I have been more likely to voice my unhappiness with people, without going all out bitch mode. But I've been getting pissed much more easily as well, and often over nothing, or things that are totally in my head. Its ridiculous and I hate feeling like this.

I find that more often than not I would rather be at home painting than out in the world socializing. It is hard to be around people when I feel like this, to plaster on a smile and act like they do. If it is not genuine I don't fake it. But then people ask whats wrong, and naturally I don't want to talk to them about it. Because most people don't get it. And it pisses me off when they think they do and they try to force me to be happy or to socialize or pour booze down my throat (although sometimes I'd actually enjoy that).

So I stay home, hang out with my cat who intuitively knows when he's needed to stay closer than usual. That at least makes me smile, when he normally sleeps at the foot of the bed but instead feels the need to curl up right next to (or sometimes on top of... *sigh*) my head. At least he knows when he's wanted, sadly doesn't quite understand yet when he's not.. but beggars can't be choosers.

So yeah that's about it for today