Man, lately I have been feeling so weighed down. I have not felt the effects of being bipolar this much in a while. I had gotten to the point where maybe it wasn't an issue anymore (as if it just... eventually disappears??). I feel like its very mild compared to when I was a teenager, but apparently it is still there, and it still affects me.

I feel weird writing about it. Its something I don't really talk about ever. But its something that is a part of me. Often when I have lows it passes quickly, after a few days or so. But now I feel like I'm really falling deeper. I feel weighed down, there's no other way to put it. It feels heavy on my mind.

I am bracing myself, because I feel like I might break. I was in the shower an hour ago and felt this wave of helpless sadness, I almost cried. Until I realized what I was thinking and was like.. well that's just crazy.. why would I cry over nothing?

Waiting to get my period, honestly, because that is what usually is the cause for this type of behaviour.

What? Too personal? I figured why not, since we're sharing and all.

I have been keeping to myself more lately, because I hate being around people when I feel like this. I'm not depressed, I want to make that clear. I am not overpowered by sadness. I'm just a little down, a little bit in my own world these days. I have been easy to anger, and easy to offend. I have been getting angry about things that are in my head, hypothetical situations. I haven't encountered thoughts like that since I was a teenager. That's worrisome, now that I put 2 and 2 together.

Well, I'll get through it. The difference between now, at 24 years old, and at 14 is I understand myself. I know how to deal when I feel like this. I pour myself into my positive outlets-- painting, writing, sweating it out at the gym, sex (seriously it helps). And I will persevere.