Frustrated lately. I'm tired of the ups and downs, I love life, I'm not satisfied, life is good, I need more, I'm happy, I'm lonely. How can you even get anything done when you don't know how you truly feel, or what you want? When your entire perspective changes from moment to moment.

I know that I am way too good to be doing what I'm doing, that my skills and brains are being wasted on my current job situation. Yet I don't do anything about it. I don't know if I'm just scared to make another big change, or not ready to start following the teacher gig, or what.

Its also been an ever-increasing realization of mine that I am almost done "growing up." I am no longer interested in the life of a university student, and am looking for a more stable life. I can't sleep in until 10am one day and wake up at 8am the next day, I want a more consistent schedule. I don't feel the need to go out and party anymore. I would rather sit and have a beer or a glass of wine and unwind and have a relaxed sophisticated conversation.

There are other things, too, more subtle clues that make me realize that I'm more mature than I give myself credit for. Maybe its time to stop being ignorant of that, and to actually take steps toward reaching my full potential. Thats kind of a scary thought, but I can't tell you why.

It really fucks with you. I have to say.. really fucks with ya.