I'm going through a bit of a rut. Wow, that phrase is not very uncommmon in the history of me.

I feel like I am stuck at a crossroads, and instead of just picking one path and walking down it, I'm camped out on the side, as if I'm waiting for the right opportunity to come upon me. I know it doesn't work like that, and if I want to be successful in life I need to work toward my goals.. and so on.. But I don't have the motivation not the energy to pick myself up and.. well, go.

Because I don't know where I want to go. I know I am a person with a good education, a lot of skills and talents.. but maybe one too many dreams.

What am I working on right now? Well... I am currently a substitute teaching who has been "waiting for paperwork to go through" for the last six months; writing a based-on-a-true-story book about our pet deer; working on several tattoos, drawings, and paintings. Oh yes and then there is the application to a Masters programme in Montreal, that I haven't started yet, because I am not sure if that's what I really want. I THOUGHT I really wanted to be a teacher, and now that I can actually start that career, I haven't.

I don't know what my problem is. I don't know why I'm sitting here watching life pass me by. I am bummed that I am not happy with where I am in life, but I am not putting effort into changing that. Because I'm not sure what I want anymore, and I don't have the resources to commit to something that I don't know if I want to commit to. I can't go to school for another 10 years and rack up a whole crap ton of debt only to work at a gym..

So yeah thats it I don't feel like writing much less else. Randomly came across a diary today and this person really sounds like me, in 20 or 30 years. I was reading it like, wow, this is me. Scary actually.