I'm starting to wonder if there is actually something wrong with me.

As well all know, the past six months or so of my life have been very introspective, very analytical, very self-healing. My introspect has now turned outward to the psychology of relationships and sex (mainly sex). I see a lot of things happening around me that are frustrating, watch romantic movies that make me want to yell at the screen and just shake those stupid women to pieces. I feel like my take on this whole topic is become more like how I imagine relationship-fearing men think on a regular basis.

For years my mother has been asking me why I don't have a boyfriend. "I don't want a boyfriend, Mom." She always persists, "Why don't you want a boyfriend?" And then the words need not be spoken, "Your sister has never not had a boyfriend." As if that is something to be.. happy for?

I feel like I just don't understand. I don't understand why millions of silly women are thinking right now about how they so desperately want a boyfriend, to be in love. As if there is nothing more to life than that. I am personally more turned off to the idea every day. All I see is my friends with their neurotic girlfriends incessantly messaging them when they are away for the weekend, as if they are so insecure that they can't trust their man for a day without them. Or guys who have ex's still talking to them every week. Or women who, even months and months after a breakup, are still pining over a relationship that was doomed from the start. I could keep going..

I see these as reasons to make me even happier to be single. To have that freedom, that liberty, to be able to do whatever (and whoever) the fuck I want, when I want. I don't have to worry about meeting expectations, being that sweet loving selfless person that I quite frankly don't enjoy being when I'm just not in the mood for it. Who am I kidding, when am I ever in the mood to be sweet and loving? I think I just threw up in my mouth.

Here's the crazy thing though. I know that I am damn awesome, and would be the best girlfriend that you never had.

So part of me wonders why I'm letting my awesomeness go to waste. Wondering if it is normal to be so incapable of having feelings for someone or wanting more than a casual sexual relationship. Wondering if this is a phase that everyone goes through, or if the last guy did a serious number on me.

At the end of the day, I guess I don't care anyway. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing because it makes me happy. That's all that matters right? Even if I'm crazy, haha :P