Today Punkin and I went on a mission to drive around aimlessly for a few hours. It's what I do when I'm not happy for whatever reason, usually it helps me relax and be alone with my thoughts. I was out in the country surrounded by farms and fields for a while, and once I came back to the city I felt the need to go to Elmwood Cemetary.

Elmwood Cemetary is the name of a place that has been stuck in my head since the end of last November. It's where Mark is buried. I didn't go to his funeral services. I woke up that morning and was so upset I couldn't even get myself to leave my bed. Now I wish someone was there to drag me to his funeral. Later on at his candlelight vigil I was able to say goodbye and have my closure.. kind of.. but still I feel the need to know where he is.

I was traumatized by his death. I'm still not over it, and I don't know if I ever will get over it. There are so many things I could say about it but thats a whole other story that I'm not up to telling right now.

All I know is that maybe once I know where he is, once I stand there staring at his headstone, it will make me feel better.