I have "simmered down" since the writing of my last entry. The initial hurt from my heart cracking down the middle has dulled to a complacent throb. Don't ask me how a throb or any sort of pain can be complacent.. it's just the way I feel, the way my soul works.

He texted me on Sunday or Monday, to say "hi" and "how are you" and see what my reaction would be. My reaction was the tell-all "I'm fine" and with that, radio silence up to now. I was angry that he texted me. Why?? What nerve.. I thought. What was said was said and clearly it wasn't going to go anywhere from there, so what else was there to say? Why bother contacting me again? My mind was, and still is, reeling, frustrated, over the mystery.

But as I said. The anger, the frustration, the hurt, has all subsided for the most part. It isn't the first time someone told me what he said. It surely won't be the last. I guess it was just the most.. insensitive.. someone has ever been about it. I think back to his actions and realize if all this guy wanted was to get in my pants, he has no game, and it's no wonder he reacted the way he did to what I had to say. That realization made me feel a bit bad for him. It also made me think that maybe it's best not to leave this on bad terms, as our social networks are so deeply intertwined..

With that said, I extended an olive branch. A simple message saying I've calmed down and "am ready to play nice" so that we can at least be friendly. I used the word "friends" but I meant the word friendly. Whatever he decides to respond to that.. I'm not sure how much I care. What matters most to me now is that I have said my peace, I have no regrets, other than maybe how I mentioned in my last entry that in the future I would have that conversation sooner.

My head has been reeling with all kinds of things. Stress, anxiety, over my job search in the UK. Yesterday I had the day off and wanted to take advantage of the time to go shopping for an interview outfit, and the task was daunting. Luckily I ran into a friend who was willing to help me out and with his eye for style I was able to select a few pieces. It was as if the act of buying clothes made the whole thing seem real. And scary.

I haven't been feeling top shape. My knee is busted. During yoga yesterday my opposite knee was hurting me as well. I have a had time concentrating and kind of feel.. not exactly foggy, like Lyme brain-foggy, but not 100% at the top of my game either. I wonder if it could be my diet, or my stress getting to me. I worry over that ever present fear that maybe it is Lyme making a comeback. I have to take better care of myself, and see if that helps. Otherwise.. fuck me I'm screwed.