Upcoming Toronto Weekend woo
Sunday, May. 25, 2014 - 10:18 PM

I've always looked forward to the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Every year I anxiously awaited the post-season, where I could watch several games every night. When the Montreal Canadiens made it into the post-season my life evolved around #GoHabsGo it was all I would think about, talk about, my plans revolved around. When the Habs were on, no one was allowed to speak, unless they were yelling at the tv. Dialogue during commercials and intermission only. It was sacrilege to leave the room, or even let your eyes wander from the screen for more than a second during play.

But this year is different. I have yet to miss a Habs game, but I haven't really watched intently. The other night we went into overtime and instead of staying up to watch, I went to bed. Except I was reading in bed once overtime started and naturally the Habs scored and won right away. And I kind of didn't really care that i missed it. I feel like watching hockey is more of a chore these days than a fun past time. Naturally I'm obligated to don the red white and blue and turn the game on, but I always find myself doing other things at the same time and not really paying attention. It seems like a stupid thing to complain about, but the reason I devoted two long paragraphs to the subject is because this isn't me. It isn't like me. I don't know if it's because I'm growing up and actually have a life and more important things to do or.. idk what.

I feel like I am just going through the motions of life. Wake up, coffee, food, get ready, go to work or errands, come home, go to the gym or go to yoga, eat supper, chill for a bit, read, go to bed. Every day is the same. Every day I don't really think about what I want to do or feel like doing, I just do what I always do because that is the routine and that's how it goes. Even though I don't feel like training, don't feel like doing this or that.. I just do it anyway because my brain doesn't want to make choices, nor does it want to be idle.

Going to Toronto on Friday. My interview is Saturday and I am anxious and nervous. People are starting to announce their own job placements in the teaching field and it makes me anxious that I'm still awaiting this one interview and have nothing else booked. I'm too fucking busy to look for anything these days, and that is frustrating because I know I really should. Just don't have enough energy or enough hours in a day. I say that but then when I come home from work I absolutely need at least an hour of just veging on the couch watching tv. But I honestly need it, I need my time. But do I need that more than I need to find a job? Ugh. This internal struggle is frustrating.

My friend, who is accompanying me to Toronto because she's never been before, happened to meet some local guy on whatever dating app she has on her phone. He's actually smoking hot, I was impressed in her taste. She wants to meet up with him and I figured why the hell not get him to bring some friends lets meet for drinks, it will be an adventure. She's looking forward to that so I guess I'm stuck in those plans. It's so weird, this whole Tinder/Badoo/online dating shit. It's just too unnatural for me. Plus the fact that half these sites are just virtual meat markets where people meet up with the intentions of having one night stands anyway.

I'm afraid of two things in that situation. 1) I'm afraid that because of my personality, that I will get all the attention and she will be in my shadow. I only say it that like that because it always happens that way, and I hate that it must make her feel so shitty. But I can't not be me. Yet then what happens in these situations is that she will set her sights on a sub-par guy and go all out with him. The boys like me but I don't go home with them. The boys don't like her but she practically rapes them. And if I sound like I'm being a bitch, Mr. Waiter met her when she came with me to his party on Valentines Day and when I saw him in Ottawa he told me all about how his poor friend is practically traumatized. So 2) the second thing I'm afraid of is that she's going to do what she does and go home with some guy, be he a loser or a douche or whatever, and I'm going to have to play wingwoman. The last time I played wingwoman I ended up sleeping at the fighter dorms at the gym (alone.. but still... that's a night on my rap sheet I'll never get back). I'm not down to leave her with some strange guys in a city she doesn't know, but I don't think I'll be down for crashing on some random dude's couch beating his friend(s) away from me either. I'll have to make my intentions and boundaries clear from the get-go.

Aside from that, no news. Boy accepted my olive branch, but in a way that seemed just as insincere as my offer of it. Because neither of us has communicated since, and neither of us seems to care.

At least, I try not to care.

yesterday - tomorrow

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