I spent the last two months of my life in idle misery. I contracted an illness that not only sucked the life out of me, but that required treatment that completely destroyed me. My stomach, my poor stomach..

Anyway, I am better now. When you are stuck at home by yourself for six weeks on sick leave, you have a lot of time to think. Not a good thing, really, I would have much rather not had to deal with the discouragement, the frustration, and the depression that came along with it. But I had to and I did.

What I got out of it was a renewed appreciation for life. For being healthy. And luckily in my case, for being at a higher level of health and fitness than the average population. I developed the utmost respect and admiration for people who have to live with chronic illness, because I am telling you now that if I had to spend the rest of my life like I was, I wouldn't have lasted. I am a strong person but I don't think I would have the will to want to stay alive. What I went through was agony. I counted down the days until I was finished my treatment. I can't imagine not having days to count down to.

I also had revelations that further cemented the fact in my will that I have to make some changes. You only have one life. You only have one shot to make that life what you want it to be. Things aren't going to happen for you, they aren't going to magically appear. You have to go out and chase it.

I was discouraged because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life anymore. But I could not sit there and cry hopelessly about it anymore, I had to start somewhere. And on the journey to just look for different job opportunities, it became clear to me that I want what I've always wanted. Subconsciously I gravitated toward jobs working with youth and teens, with an idealistic hope that I could find something related to art, but not dismissing anything that didn't.

Now I am hopeful. Really hopeful. Because I went back to work this week, and although I am trying to make it the easiest possible on myself, I also have it in mind that I won't be staying that long. I have all of my fingers and all of my toes crossed that I get the job I interviewed for last week. I know I would be a perfect fit, that I am overly qualified, and I hope they know it too. The moment I sent my C.V. for this job, I was shaking with excitement. I knew that it could be an opportunity that would change my life. I hope to God that I'm right.

Part of me worries that although I am feeling better, the creative fire in me is gone. I try to blame it on the Lyme disease, that maybe it infiltrated too much of my brain. I have no desire to spend time in my studio. Yet then I will be bored of out of mind. I think to myself, maybe I should do some drawing exercises, as clearly that's all I need is exercise, but I simply don't feel like it. I don't want to.

Maybe I need inspiration. I should go to the fine arts museum over the weekend and just chill there, enjoy the space, and let that guide me to creation. Maybe that will make me happy. Or maybe it will make me sad. Who knows.

Anyway, just cross your fingers for me, alright?