I have to force myself to be social.

Every day I experience the fight to get out of bed, to welcome a new day and face the real world again. I'd rather be dreaming, even when the dreams aren't that great to begin with.

Last night I really pushed myself to accept an offer to go with my roommate to play poker with his friends. I figured it would be a good idea to get out of the house and meet new people, even if I wasn't too keen on going. But I did go, and actually had a bit of fun. At the end of the night I went back home and instead of socializing with the people partying at my house I just went straight to bed.

Today, getting out of bed was harder. It wasn't until noon that I appeared upstairs and made myself a shitty breakfast. I was annoyed almost instantly; the internet not working properly so I had to fight to find the recipe I needed for the crepe filling I wanted, people in the way when I was cooking, and my friend grabbing me and wanting attention, he wouldn't let me go until I started fiercely hitting him. All I wanted to do was make some damn food.

After my breakfast was made I grabbed my cat and went straight back downstairs to my room. I just wanted to be alone.. some PEACE please! I was perfectly happy lying in bed watching old Greys Anatomy episodes and of course one of the visitors in my house comes downstairs wanting attention. "How are you?" and I reply bluntly, "Annoyed"

I stayed in my room all day, coming up for air only to eat and go to the bathroom. I went to take a shower and of course my friend wants more attention, pinned me down and wouldn't let me go until I kissed him on the cheek. I bit him instead.

Post-shower, took an hour or so to get ready... mainly because I didn't feel like putting clothes on so I procrastinated as long as I could. Then went upstairs to watch hockey. At the end of the game (we lost) I went back into my room with the intention to go to sleep soon. And here I am now, depressed and lonely, yet not wanting any company.

I really hate to be bothered.