Today I went to my first class of the semester.. and I had never been so depressed. To be in class, at least.

Usually I am excited to get back to school and turn my brain back on after being inactive for the holidays. But today I dreaded walking into that classroom. I woke up this morning and wished I could stay in bed. Procrastinated getting ready, didn't even shower. Stayed in pyjamas until 12:15 when I had to leave for class at 12:30. I got to school and waited outside the classroom as long as I could stand it.

As I sat there listening to the professor talk about his life working in graphic arts (it was a digital imaging class), I was mildly fascinated but more depressed than anything else. Even though it sounded like a really cool course that I would actually enjoy, I wasn't excited about it at all. I sat there, sad, and unhappy to be there.

The feelings continued throughout the rest of the day as I went through the motions of making supper, yelling my answers at the tv to Family Feud and Who Wants to Be A Millionare. I procrastinated, very similarly to this morning, going to my friends' place to watch hockey.

Montreal versus Toronto. One of the biggest rivalries in hockey. One of my favourite rivalries. But I sat there, for about three hours, as if it was torture. The game seemed so much longer than usual and I wasn't enjoying it. I did yell at the tv half as much as usual, and didn't really care that we were winning (6-2 final). Hockey, my porn, my only bright light of most days, failed to make me happy.

As a few of us were watching the game, quite a few people were at the house predrinking for the first night out of the year and I was really annoyed by them. Stupid drunk girls who didn't stop yelling and running around, one who actually had the nerve to steal the remote and change the channels "THIS IS SO BORING!!!" in front of the 5-6 people who were watching the game avidly. Boys chugging beer and spilling it all over the place, and arguing with each other for the sake of arguing.

To make it worse, I started feeling sick as the night progessed. My supper hadn't gone down well and I was feeling some bad indigestion when I left my house, but by the time I was ready to come back home I was on the verge of nausea. I don't know if its something I ate, a cold I may have caught from one of my good friends who has been all over me the past few days (that is quite another story that must be told soon), or my nerves tearing me up from the inside. Whatever it is, its still there and I feel like I'm going to puke. Its nothing I haven't felt before, many times in many ways, and I know that it will pass eventually.. hours, days, weeks, who knows.

Needless to say, I was relieved when the hockey game ended and I could finally go home. I plan on going straight to bed after I post this, as I have to be up early for a poorly chosen 9:30 AM course. Thank god it is Drawing, the only thing probably worth getting up for.