Why does socializing take so much damn mental energy?

I'm so tired these days. All I want to do is lie around the house, fuck off and watch tv or movies or something.. I don't have the time for it, though. I have a lot of work to do within the next three weeks. It sucks to have to do work when its starting to get nice out. I tried to study outside today, but it lasted only about 20 minutes, if that. I'm at a point where I feel that I could read the same thing one hundred times and it still wouldn't sink in, so what's the point of studying? My mental energy is at an all time low. I need to clear my mind, I think. I need a week of just nothing. Its too bad that won't be happening for a long time, until at least September if I'm lucky. Can't I just pause life for a bit? I wish. I'm thinking about camp, and how in a month I'll be there. I'm so excited for it, I hope I have a good summer there. I hope it will be as rejuvenating as last summer to be out in the woods separated from real life for two months. I miss the kids too, I hope this camp's kids won't be as stuck up as the camp I worked at last year. They were such yuppies. I hate nothing more than yuppies. Ok that's probably not true, I hate a lot of things.

I hate how one bad relationship totally fucks you for future relationships. I don't think I would be able to tolerate any kind of sexual attention from anyone right now. The thought of it freaks me out, I don't know why. Not like I had bad sexual experience with Stupid Boy, actually it wasn't too bad at all, but the relationship itself had such an effect. I don't want to feel this way, that's not me, but I don't know how to fix it.