I've been having some pretty unsettling dreams lately.

Last night I had been convicted of the death penalty for some obscure minor crime that, later in the dream, I realized I didn't even commit. I was to die on the electric chair in 3 days.

I didn't try to fight it, for some reason. I accepted it, without feeling any injustice. Instead of going crazy doing everything I possibly could to live my last days to the fullest I just kind of carried on with my life and waited it out. I wasn't in a prison or any kind of restrainment, just being constantly watched. I went shopping and bought things I would never need, like a shitload of food and a new thing of toothpaste.. then, at the register, realizing I had only 3 days left I put most of the stuff to the side.

Toward the end of the dream I think the reality of it set in, I am going to die. Thats when I really started to think about it. What did I do to deserve that punishment? But I didn't do anything of that nature at all.. I must have been falsely accused. As soon as I realized I had to fight the system and get some sort of pardon from the government or something I woke up.

And this theme of false accusations reminds me of a dream I had a few days ago. I was driving down the road (for some reason a lot of my dreams take place in my childhood house/neighborhood) and two women and a child are crossing the street. By the time my car had approached they were almost to the other side and I could continue driving normally, I had actually slowed down considerably because I'm very cautious around children/animals near the road. I was paying close attention to the people as I slowly drove closer and all of a sudden the kid turned and ran in front of my car. I swerved and even though I was driving close to 20mph I lost traction and kicked the car sideways a few times.

Well heres the crazy part. I stopped the car and got ready to get out, knowing they were alright physically but I wanted to make sure they were alright mentally.. One of the women, not the mother, came running up to my car and as I start the "omg that was close, are you guys ok?" the bitch started yelling at me for being such a crazy driver driving too fast, not paying attention, and almost killing the kid. All of a sudden they were pressing charges, the cops were on their way, and I knew I was going to get in major trouble.. I fought the urge to drive off because I knew leaving the scene of an accident is illegal. At one point I nearly forgot that I didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

So these dreams are actually quite similar. In both, I was somehow convinced I did something terrible that I really didn't do. I was more than just innocent, I was trying to do some good. Instead of being praised I was falsely accused and suffered injustice. For some reason, it was almost like I had been convinced that I did commit the crime and thus the only noble thing to do was to accept the consequences.

And finally there is my reaction. I'm a pretty stoic person; don't cry over spilled milk.. don't cry because you're going to jail cause you killed someone. You did it, now accept your fate. People think my reaction to things like that is because I don't care, but its just that you can't change something that already happened so why dwell on it?

But being condemned to death is pretty intense, especially for some misdemeanor that I never committed.. The other dream I didn't stick around long enough to find out (was one of those "wait, I'm dreaming, I can wake up now and get out of this"). Yet the same principles applied. Can't change it.. just accept it.. you're going to the chair in 3 days, can't do anything about it. Except try to ignore the thought of it, that's what I did.. But even denial only lasts so long. As soon as reality and rational thought kicked in "Wait I didn't do anything, why am I here being punished? This is wrong, I need to get out of this" I woke up.

What does that tell you Freud?