You know when you get this itching urge to write, as if you need to unleash some of your innermost creative power down on a page, but then when you actually get down to it there is really nothing to say at all?

That's how I feel today. I feel a sense of stillness within me. I gave myself a few moments of peace and quiet, and my mind is somewhat empty. That's good, right? That is the ultimate goal, to silence the mind and just be. After a long day, it feels good.

I was at work until 6, which I suppose you could say is fairly late, but I have since had a relaxing evening. I took the time to light some candles, put on my pj pants, and just chilled on the couch for a few minutes listening to chillout music on Spotify and doing absolutely nothing. A bit of mindless scrolling on social media, a bit of reading articles on essential oils, wrote a list of cities I'd like to visit on my upcoming holiday.. Had dinner, watched Netflix, and took a break from that to pour myself a cup of vanilla-chamomile tea and sit down to write for a bit. A slow, easy going, chill evening.

It is much needed since I feel that although I am now medicated, my anxiety still nags me throughout the day. I think that is one of the things to be expected about returning to work after a week on holiday. Re-adjusting to the stress, the non-stop, the kids being sometimes a bit stupid, finding your groove again. After today I feel much better.

Wish I had more to say. Lots on my mind but at the same time, nothing on my mind, nothing to say. Awaiting results from my biopsy. Trying not to feel dependent on talking to The Stupid One every day because I don't think that would be too good. Going through the process of getting documents sorted for my visa to Dubai. Recouping from an adventurous week in Amsterdam and Brussels. Still miss my dead cat. Still miss my little nephews, my people, my fam. Miss Canadian food. But not homesick really. Need to think about booking my flight home in August. Need to plan my April holiday first. Oh here it is, all of the things I have pushed into the back of my mind.

But that's fine though, isn't it? In the back of my mind is where those things can stay until they are needed.