I'm having a hard time today. Can't really explain it. It's like I have pms, but I really don't. Kind of sad. Kind of stressed and anxious. Kind of apprehensive about.. life.. Kind of wishing I could be hibernating.

Typical case of the winter blues, I would hope..?

Tomorrow I am (finally) going to Ottawa for work. Will be there two nights. Seeing Boy tomorrow night. Instead of being excited I think I'm a little sad. I'm sad that it won't work out. At the same time, I'm sad/scared that it will work out.

I realized the other day that I am afraid of commitment, but then once I'm committed I get so attached that I'm afraid to let something go or to change. What the fuck. I've seen it with my animals, with my apartment, with my jobs. I would say I've seen it with men, except that the fear of commitment is strongest in that respect, so that it never really gets beyond that. What can I say, its scary shit.

I wish I were excited to be going tomorrow. Just a mixture of all of these feelings that's really fucking me up. Maybe because I am tired, need to get some sleep.. or maybe I'm getting sick (been saying that for a week now). I do feel like shit these days. Wondering if its physical or emotional causes. I'm tired, I can't focus. I should sleep.